Conversational Phrases That Should Probably Die

Lately, I’ve noticed several patterns in the way people talk. Not so much in diction or accent or sentence length, but rather those phrases you hear people say in class or when they don’t know someone very well. They say these things time and time again in order to send a certain message about themselves, when really all they’re provoking in the listener is a disenchanted glare and internal groan.

“Where is home?”
At first glance this seems like a harmless question. However, in my experience it is almost always uttered by some overly friendly older man at the airport who chose to sit at the stool next to you, even when there are plenty more available further down the counter, or by some college aged guy who isn’t used to talking to girls but wants to appear intelligent so he thinks of this genius way to ask “Where are you from?” To be honest, home can be a relative answer. Do you really want me to answer this? I can answer about how home is whenever I’m with my laughing with my close friends or drinking a raspberry mango shake with passion fruit jellies from Tea Garden or closing my eyes and feeling a warm breeze stroke my forehead or the sound of a pipe organ playi- oh what? You’re just wondering where I’m from? Maybe move over a couple stools and I’ll tell you.

“(Insert activity here) is what I do.”
I’ve heard this in many contexts. Art is what I do, soccer is what I do, music is what I do, summer is what I do, swimming is what I do, knitting is what I do- okay, well I’m glad you do that, but do you do other things? Do you also “do” eating? Do you “do” friends? It appears that this singular activity is so much a part of their identity that it is the only verb they can perform. “Hey man, wanna go play some basketball later today? You’ve been sitting inside staring at that plant for like three months…” “Sorry dude I can’t. You know this. Horticulture is what I do. I literally cannot do anything else.”

“Well I was just going to say…”
This statement is almost always heard in large classroom discussions. Usually two people will start talking at the same time, and then one will actually talk and preface their statement with “Well I was just going to say…” No, you are actually saying that. There is no past tense in the comment you are currently making. And the worst is when people say this even when the teacher actually calls on them and there is no question in the fact that they are supposed to be talking at that moment but still manage to sneak in the excuse that this was what they were going to say if they didn’t get called on, but they did get called on so… I guess they’ll just say it?


Somehow making any small group discussion into a comparison of who has the best I-did-the-stupidest-thing-when-I-was-drunk story.
If you are a typical college student you probably will drink at some point. Meaning that all the other college students around you probably drink as well, and they have all probably done some pretty dumb things. However, I don’t really get what people are trying to prove to me when we are in class and they decide it is necessary for us to discuss their beer pong record or their terrible hangover. I generally don’t hang out with those in my small groups outside of class, and so it is slightly frustrating when the only interaction I have with them is their retelling of the previous night’s shenanigans. We are actually discussing post WWII gender roles and if you can tell me the answer to number three I will be way more impressed than that story about you spending $54 when you were blacked out at Dunkin Donuts last weekend. In addition, these stories are actually a lot less original than you would think. There is inevitably one girl who off handedly mentions she owes her mom a bottle of peppermint schnapps because she drank it all last Christmas (a painfully obvious set up to the exchange: “wOw your parents don’t care if you drink?” “Oh hell no they get drunk with me!” “wOw you’re sooooo lucky”). There is also inevitably some guy who brings up the time he saw (insert animated fantasy movie here) high (“I bet that was soooo crazy” “Dude it totally was!”) If this practice continues (which I’m sure it will considering this seems to be a theme among every college campus everywhere) at least think of something more innovative to do when drunk, so I can be mildly entertained when you distract me from doing any sort of work. Thanks.

Note: Though I say all this, I know that I have definitely been guilty of all these phrases myself, and will probably continue to accidentally use them for a very long time. Also all of these statements said in most contexts aren't really bothersome to me, its just that I happen to notice them in certain settings as of late. Just wanted to add that disclaimer so no one is offended because they happened to use one of these in the last few days. No worries. I probably have too haha.