The Countdown

So. I'm going to college in four days.

When the hell did this happen?

It seems like two days ago I was a strapping young junior, fresh faced and confident ready to embark on the process that would determine the next four years of my life but curiously, before I even realized it, everything started moving faster and faster and then I was sucked into a hurricane of college tours, AP grades, common application, standardized testing scores, college board, 17 drafts of the same bad essay, acceptance and postponing, financial aid stress, final decisions then POOF June 5th hits me in the face and I'm officially done. Suddenly I was spit out on my butt feeling bruised and battered but ultimately triumphant that I had survived four years of hell, and was ready for a relaxing summer before entering the next stage in my education. I stood up, dusted off those last crumbs of high school, and sauntered into summer.

Summer was as summer is. Work, endless grad parties, road trips, tan lines, and free arby's roast beef sandwhiches (plus a million other little details) worked themselves into a comfortable rythm that seemed to transcend time and delay the future. Yes, I'm going to college X I'd say, Yes, I'm excited but a little bit nervous, Yes I'm planning on studying X, Yes, I think it will be interesting. But even as I constantly affirmed the fact I would be leaving in three months, to me it just sounded like words without any concrete action behind them. I look at the tidy 3x5 foot area in my room that is packed with everything I will need for the next semester and it seems so unreal that I will actually be using any of it. But I will, I know I will. I just can't believe that time is actually here.

And even though I've been looking forward to this moment since I was 13, as the days-until-Karis-leaves countdown gets lower, I'm getting more and more anxious about leaving. I feel like I've finally found a life I enjoy and now I'm moving onto a new one that I am completely mystified by. I haven't the foggiest idea what college will be like. Literally I try to imagine my life in college and my mind bombards me with a million images of "Animal House", "The House Bunny", and the pictures off brochures from 37 different colleges. I know enough about college to know that the reality of a place is rarely what is advertised, but that is all I have to base my opinion off of. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to not know what she is getting into: I'm paying a good chunk of cash for this place and what in the goddamn world am I supposed to do if I hate it? I'll have abandoned the happy life I have now for a meager existence as one of those kids who stays in their dorm 19 hours a day only to come out for meals and classes because they are so depressed they reside in such a hateful place. Okay maybe I'm too social for that dramatic of a change to occur but what if I always have that small feeling of regret at not choosing a better school for me eating away and corrupting my mind for the next four years? That kind of feeling is the worst because it taints every experience and every new friend, whispering "You could have better, You made the wrong choice, You screwed up...". And I know, I know, everyone loves college, you will like wherever you go etc etc blah blah blah. But what if I'm the exception?

Now don't get me wrong, I do feel like I picked the right school for me. Its smack dab in the city (Chi-town!), it has a beautiful campus, a great communications school, and a lot of opportunities I'm looking for. My roomate seems normal and nice and easy to live with (not nearly the tattoo/piercing/weed obsessed or clueless/bland/boring roomate horror stories of some of my friends) plus I'm living right in the middle of what is known around campus as the "fun" dorm, and one floor below one of my good friends. I feel like I'm setting myself up so even if I stumble around this first sememster I'll have a couple strong hands around to keep me standing.

And I know everyone has these doubts: bring up college around my friends and it becomes a screaming competition of who-is-more-screwed-and-terrified. So while my fears are probably unwarranted and irrational, they're probably the same fears as the other million soon to be college freshmen out there. We're all confused and frustrated and excited and nervous and just ready to finally move on to the future.

And in four days that is what I will be doing.

When the hell did that happen?